Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
