Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
