No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
