i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
