Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Shame is for Republicans.
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