guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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