I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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