It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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