Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
