If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
