You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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