I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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