can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
