I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
