Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
