If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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