dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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