There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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