i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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