Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
