Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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