seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
