My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
