shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
