the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
