that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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