Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
