tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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