So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
