i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I could make wine with my vomit
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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