it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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