Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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