He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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