There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
