absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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