Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
