i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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