She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
