the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i now understand why vodka
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
