That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
