I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
