I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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