is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
