You're completely useless in the revolution.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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