The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
