It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
