Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
