The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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