Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
