wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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