we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
